Fostering vulnerability and battling shame in education
Vulnerability is not something we normally associate with effective teaching and learning. We might think more of words like ‘resilience’, ‘success’, or ‘achievement’. And the word shame is one that most of us recoil at the mere sight of. No one wants to feel shame, and we certainly don’t want to talk about shame.
But, here’s the problem. Vulnerability is necessary for resilience, success, and achievement. And shame can be its biggest barrier.
I think it’s only fitting that we start with the words of Brené Brown, one of the leading advocates of vulnerability and shame resilience.
That talk was delivered 12 years ago now, but the message is as relevant today as it was then. Brown advocates for vulnerability training and shame resilience strategies and she talks frequently about putting this into practice in the context of education. It’s been over a decade since she shared these insights, and yet, I have not come across an educational institution that promotes vulnerability and shame resilience in the way that Brown advocates.
But here’s the thing: if we want to be brave, we have to be vulnerable. How many times do we encourage students to be courageous, to try, to put themselves and their ideas out there? All the time. But how often do we encourage them to be vulnerable, to expect failure, to be comfortable with uncertainty and risk? Hardly ever.
You can’t be courageous without being vulnerable.
But, being vulnerable is hard work. It involves the strength to be resilient to shame. And, as Brown tells us, shame is incredibly insidiousness and mostly hidden in our society: “despite out society’s relatively new openness to discussing other emotions like fear and anger, shame remains taboo” (Brown, 2008, p. 3). And yet, in order to be authentic, to put ourselves out there, to try and fail, we must face our fear of shame.
In the world of education, shame can be incredibly debilitating — not just in one moment, but in an entire lifetime. Because shame works in such a hidden way, if students experience shame in their interactions with teachers or peers, they are more likely to internalise the shame than speak out about its impact.
It’s bad enough to have a child labeled ‘stupid’ at school, but it’s far more detrimental if the child actually believes she is stupid. If a child is shamed into believing that he or she is stupid, the child is potentially being set up for a lifetime of struggle (Brown, 2008, p. 16).
When we put too much emphasis on correction, we increase the opportunities to shame our students; rather than allowing students to explore and experiment in ways that allow them to be authentic, we box their contributions in to ‘correct’ or ‘incorrect’.
Indeed, in the data from my own research, students consistently described negative interactions with teachers as being experiences where they were told they were wrong, were scolded for being stupid or not trying hard enough, or where their ideas were dismissed or ignored (Symonds, 2021).
All of these instances promote shame:
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging” (Brown, 2008, p. 5).
Instances in which students are dismissed or scolded can make them feel as though they are not good enough to be at university, or that they are not smart enough to be accepted in the classroom. This shame not only limits their motivation to learn, it can also set up them up for years of being afraid to try, to put their ideas forward, or to fail. They learn to shut up and figure out what the teacher wants to hear, so they can feel affirmed (Symonds, 2021).
Of course, in our modern world that is evolving at a rapid pace and battling with disruption and innovation at every turn, the people we need are those with the exact traits just listed: people who are not afraid to try, people who can put ideas forward, and people who can embrace and learn from failure. We need people to not shut up and do what they think people want… we need people to push the boundaries and not just think outside of the box, but to jump outside of it with enthusiasm and perseverance.
We want to foster citizens who embody these crucial characteristics, and yet, when we educate them, we do very little to create an environment in which these skills are nurtured, or even accepted.
To breakdown the barriers of shame, Brown advocates for shame resilience strategies and one of these is empathy: “when we develop and practice empathy, courage and compassion, we move from disconnection to connection. This creates the liberation we need to enjoy the things we value rather than be imprisoned by what others expect'“ (Brown, 2008, p. 49).
Brown is a shame researcher predominantly outside of the realm of education, but educational researchers have shown similar findings from their research, albeit with a different name. Hamilton and Petty argue for compassionate pedagogy to create inclusive learning environments and prevent the exclusion of neurodivergent learners. They tell us:
When people see the world from different perspectives, insight and compassion into each other’s difference is more helpful than assuming that one experience is normative, while the other deviates from the norm (2023, p. 3).
Whilst Hamilton and Petty are referring to neurodivergence, Brown’s research would indicate that everybody brings different perspectives; learning to accept difference can foster empathy and compassion, which can fight shame.
This is no easy feat. Educators and educational institutions are led by market-driven initiatives; now, more than ever, education providers are driven by statistics, data, and competition. Developing compassionate and empathetic pedagogy can be highly challenging because “utilitarian values of competition, choice, independence, value for money and individual achievement dominate in many countries” (Hamilton and Petty, 2023, p. 4).
If we want to nurture students who are authentic, resilient, adaptable, experimental, creative, and compassionate, we must change our learning environments. We need to encourage students to be vulnerable; we need to remove the fear of being shamed through failing, not being good enough, or feeling disconnected; we need to encourage both students and educators to navigate dynamics steeped in empathy, exploration, compassion, and discovery together.
REFERENCES
Brown, B. (2008). I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): making the journey from “What will people think?” to “I am enough”. New York: Avery.
Brown, B. (June 2010). The power of vulnerability. TEDxHouston [Video]. Available from: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en
Hamilton, L. and Petty, S. (2023). Compassionate pedagogy for neurodiversity in higher education: A conceptual analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1-9.
Symonds, E. (2021). An unavoidable dynamic? Understanding the 'traditional' learner-teacher power relationship within a higher education context. British Journal of Sociology of Education, 42(7), 1070-1085.
